Leaving Reality TV and Into Reality!

So with this whole redesign of me also comes with getting my love life back on track.   I don't know what changed in dating to be so different or so hard!  Was it cause I turned 30?  Was it cause the dating world has changed because of online dating?  Was it cause I don't frequent bars anymore?  Was it cause all my friends are married so I am going at this alone?  Which ever reason it is, it's hard!

The funny thing that I realised recently is that despite me thinking I would never utter these words, I actually have something in common with the Bachelorettes on TV!  No, it isn't that we all have glittery gowns secretly waiting in our closet, or that we secretly aspire to get exposure to help our TV hosting career.  It is that at the end of the day, we are looking at dating as a competition. 

I recently realised that I just want to win.  Sometimes the person you are seeing is a great person, but are they great for you?  Or, do you want to make it the perfect person so you have conquered the dating game?  Do you go above and beyond to really win over that bachelor so that you can get the prize (?) and leave the game? 

I have realised that yes indeed I do this.  It's like I am so proud of my life- I have worked hard at my career, I have an amazing family, fabulous friends, I've been told I can spice up a party, and I have a great heart so I tend to try to force it on someone else to they will appreciate it and at the finale, he will choose me.

But, it's time to step back- and decide what I am looking for - and not try to force something that isn't even what I am looking for.  I found a situation recently that when "whatever it was" ended I was sad.  But then I sat back and said "OK Kim, what really makes you sad about not spending time with this person?"  And, I realised that if I actually went through my goals, values, interests, desires - we weren't even a match.  Nice guy, but not a match.   So, as competitive I am, I have to quit looking at the dating game as an episode of the Bachelor.  Time to pull out of the competition and focus on finding the best match not just A match.

Sorry, _______  I do not accept this rose.

How to get over over-thinking......

There are some things that seem to have such easy answers- if you are sick....go to the doctor, if you are fat...eat less, if you are tired....sleep,  if you are sad.....drink.   But, what if it's your brain?  How do you re-program it?  I pride myself on being smart, like street smart - I can figure most people out and just have this "sense" about people.  Fact is, I probably THINK I am smarter than most of you in this regrad because I truly think I have this gift. 

But, with a gift also comes responsiblity. 

My issue with my brain is my chronic over thinking.  Although I can figure things out and think rationally- when left alone with me and my brain I over think everything, get myself worked up, and self sabotage within seconds like a timebomb.  I seem to think I know what people REALLY think - or what they REALLY feel despite what they tell me.  Like if I ask you if you are thirsty and you say no, but yet I get a sense that you are a tad parched, I will not feel settled until you either let me get you a water or if you tell me to screw off.

Again, this is where audience participation comes in to play and most of you can think of where this has happened.  I mean, I never get sensative and just try to cut my loses before getting hurt further!  And I NEVER totally take a situation and assume it's a personal attack on myself.    And, I NEVER try to push someone so far just so that they step up and reassure me that everything is going to be ok.

The problem is with this habit is that I can't figure out why I do it?  Like no matter how many times I burn myself I just keep doing it.  And it makes me really think, no matter how much I improve every aspect of my life, if I keep self sabotaging and pushing great people away - will I ever end up happy?

Now, over think that!